I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
