If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
