She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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