Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
