I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
