I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
