I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
