I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
