I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I checked into jail on foursquare
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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