I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
