I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
