I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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