dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Someone shit on the floor
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
