Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
