The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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