Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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