You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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