i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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