he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We talked him into tasing himself.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
