Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
