he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
