If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
