so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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