Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
