Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
