Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
And then the night went full on bisexual.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
