I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
porn star boner night. come get it.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
