Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
