Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
