dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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