Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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