my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Randomize
