we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
