In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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