oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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