is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
