We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
