I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
