no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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