i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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