The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
