thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
