whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
