will power is for people who don't want to get laid
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
