woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
