the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
