I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
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