exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
