i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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