it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
