Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize