All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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