Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
