4 words: hood of his car
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
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