apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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