Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
