If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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