i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
