dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
