The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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