is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
