You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
