That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
