Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
