He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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