He asked to "fluff my boner.."
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize