this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
