Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
