Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
