just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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