is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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