My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
