The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
