If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
