I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize