Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Randomize
