its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
How external is "for external use only"?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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